What Actually Makes Sex Good (It’s Not What You Think)

After working with hundreds of clients over the past seven years, here’s what I’ve learned about the couples who have the best sex.

It’s never the people who look the best. Or have the best bodies. Or know how to technically fuck like a porn star, or are the best with their hands.

It’s the couples who know how to communicate about sex, intimacy, and pleasure. Who can express their desires, name their needs, and give and receive feedback in the moment.

Why communication beats technique

When we’re focused on doing the right thing, using our hands the right way, performing the way we think we’re supposed to, we’re still in our head. We’re still performing.

But when we’re with someone we know we can be honest with, where it feels safe to say what we want or say when something isn’t working, we can actually surrender. We can drop out of our head and into our body.

And it works both ways. When we know our partner will tell us if something feels good, if they want more, if something isn’t landing, we get to relax too. We don’t have to guess. We get to stay present instead of performing.

Where to start

So if there’s one thing I want you to prioritize, if you want deeper connection, more intimacy, and better sex, it’s this: learn how to communicate about sex and intimacy, in and outside the bedroom.

Here’s a place to start. Tonight, sit down with your partner and have one conversation about how you want to communicate more openly, about your relationship, your intimacy, your sex. Not to fix everything in one sitting. Just to open the door.